Pushing Eighty

It seems they won't let me start another blogspot... So I'll just  have to mix it in with my Musings spot and later separate my writings.  I can do that!

Today came a Bluetooth Keyboard....Magic to me....so thankful that I don't have to buy a laptop. My tablet works just fine!
Hoping to take advantage of those early morning  awakenings, when my mind is empty, clear, happy and ready to say what I feel... to recall things I don't want to forget... to apologize  sometimes ....
I'm finding myself in that mode  right now.

To my Mother-in-law: I couldn't have asked for a better one!
Over and over she would say that she always wanted daughters. That she didn't have them, so her sons brought her some....
 My father-in-law concurred. He made over Peggy and me, taking our sides when he thought we needed him.
Peggy wanted a dog. She picked the ugliest, stinkiest mutt imaginable, and with "Granddad's"  blessing , brought him home...
If sides were taken, it was always, ALWAYS with us!

So, why the apology?
After Grandad died, she came to live with us. She was, at that stage of her life, fragile...
Her heart  was acting up. Her home was in an isolated spot in the wilds of West Virginia. Some "River Rats " broke into  her home...no way could she stay there alone.

When she came to us, I was not at my best. I was confined to a "halo" to stabilize my neck...a benign bone tumor had been removed from a vertebra... I looked kinda like the Frankenstein Monster with the godawful thing screwed to my forehead... a body cast from shoulder to hips.....

Gotta tell about that sweet man we called  "Granddad"...
They spent that Christmas with us...He asked what I would like as my gift... A BIRD FEEDER! All I wanted was a bird feeder, so I could sit at my kitchen table and watch them.
I got it, of course..... He built me one... He climbed a tall ladder up to the second story and installed it....
He said goodbye and drove his "frau" home to their little yellow house in the woods.
He brought in wood and laid a fire in their Franklin stove...
And then.....he had a Stroke!

We went to the hospital in Winchester. He looked up at me and held on to the bar that connected my halo to my torso.... I saw love...I saw awareness, compassion....I felt the same for him.......I loved my father-in-law....

New Year's Eve. ...
Sitting at our kitchen table with our friends, as always...10 o'clock, the phone rings...
Our dear "Grandad" has  died......
We are glad we are with our friends. We need them....

Not long after, we bring "Arbo" to live with  us....She can't stay there with those River Rats looking to steal from her. And she is having health issues.... not the best situation, but we do our best. And, thanks to Brooksie, we make it work!

Arbo has a bedroom right off the family room...a full bath right next to it...When we built our house I insisted the large room the size of a two car garage would have a small bedroom and a full bath, and I was right to insist. It has had constant use.

She had a place of her own near our family activities....no stairs to climb, her grandchildren around her. It was, for her, ideal.

Somehow, with my family's help, in spite of my temporary disability, we made it work.  She was pleasant and grateful and loving.....and, at times, demanding.

Her furniture had to come with her. The slipcover on the couch that she added to my already furnished living room was pretty, but it clashed with my decor. I pulled it off and underneath found a pretty white brocade sofa, but she was afraid it would get soiled. So it went back on....

My privacy was slipping away...and my freedom! My friends (bless them) would come to see me EVERY DAY... My screws that held my halo in place had to be cleaned, and Pattie and Jane saw to it that instructions were followed......We often would go to lunch (I couldn't drive)....and Arbo was always welcome.

But I was sometimes grouchy. Tired of my limitations...wanted to fly, but my wings were clipped... wanted to talk with my friends, go to lunch with my friends, and not always, always with my mother-in -law!

And wishing the awful GUILT that I felt because I felt this way would leave me.....But it didn't.....and that lady who birthed my wonderful mate lived with us for six years.
How did she feel?

I know how I felt when three times in a week she had doctor appointments....when we couldn't leave on time for the beach because she had a "spell"....

I also know how I felt when she touched my cheek and thanked me for seeing she got her meds at 2 AM...She said she loved me. I loved her...and I told her so....

Today, I am "Arbo"....I live with my granddaughter... And I am well-aware of the good and the not-so-good that WILL be part of this situation.

Bringing up the subject at the onset, I knew she didn't understand.  She was a baby when Arbo lived with us.

She never saw me greet her grandfather at the door with the steely look of assertiveness, clenched teeth and say "WE are going out to dinner tonight....arent' WE?"
She never saw me sneak away to the tree swing with a can of beer and stay there till I calmed down....or go to Walmart and buy things we didn't need...just to get away.

And she needs to know how horrible I felt when we put her great grandmother in the nursing home  because Charlie had an assignment in Hawaii and we had no alternative....
It did not go well....she was angry....she was scared, abandoned.
She died two weeks later.

Very few things scare me, but this does....I don't want to reach the stage in my life where I'm totally dependent on anyone...and I don't want Jenny and Billy to go from the busy, exciting, hectic time of raising their little family to the responsibility of caring for me.

Since I remember, I want them to know that they must choose what is best for their family. My life has been wonderful; still is wonderful....Whatever they decide is OK with me.

I live here...I love it here...I don't want to spoil it!