I live with Jenny and Billy and their four children.
At age 79, I feel very, very blessed....I am part of their every day happenings, while, at the same time, I have a life of my own.
My living space is as I like it, with things I have chosen to keep from my past and things I have assembled for convenience in my future.
I have a Keurig coffeemaker in my room...a microwave...a toaster.
Outside my room, in a curtained alcove, is my "wet bar" (a refrigerator -freezer that holds a ten pound bag of ice), a shelf for glasses and other supplies so I can entertain....that is important to me!
In short, I have it good!
The great grandchildren come in and out of my space freely. I spend a lot of time heading them away from things that mean trouble: Loralei (age 1) loves toilets...and the dog's water dish. She is very artful at getting past me and paddling in both!
There is a toy box under the antique table that sits by my window, with blocks and toy cars and dolls, all of which they rarely play with....they'd rather jump on my bed!
Speaking of which, I have a new one.... Taking out the double bed and putting in a single bed freed up space in my tiny room.
"You won't like it", they told me.... "You're used to a big bed all your own....what will you do when William comes in and announces he wants to sleep in your bed with his Nonny?"
Well, he's in there now....he has been since 9 last night. I slept my usual four hours, got up, made coffee....William is still there....
I slept quite well.
There will ALWAYS be room for these little people in my bed...
I am very, very blessed!!
Sunday, November 29, 2015
Saturday, November 21, 2015
Change... It is inevitable
I woke up this morning and looked in the bathroom mirror.
And, to reassure myself, I had to think back.....waaaaay back...
It is fair to say that years ago, I was a "looker".
Dark brown, shiny hair. Very tiny waist (we girls took pride in that!)
Nice skin, nice legs, trim ankles....
Straight teeth, thanks to the orthodontist...
A little pink lipstick, some Chanel #5, and I was good to go!
At 13, I had my first glimpse of my Charlie... Now, THERE was a "Looker"!!!
He was standing in front of the Boys bathroom, arms around Milly Britain's waist.
Obviously, not aware of me or of anyone but Milly Britain....
But, I was aware....and I must have had some instinct about guys, because I told no one about my discovery....not even my best friend....NO one!
Then, one day four years later, he asked me for a date....and we went out....and three years from then, we married.
There is a lot more to this tale than this simple sequence, but I'll save that for later. For now, I'm writing about "change".
This morning, as in every morning, I looked at myself in my bathroom mirror.
And I saw the change, just as I always do....
And I look thus:
My eyes....There is an itchy redness that no doctor can explain.... The right eye droops so that it covers part of my pupil. The left one, too, but not enough..... So insurance will only pay for one surgery.
I am, for now, accepting the fact that my eyes are no longer bright. I think they resemble "Two pee-holes in the snow"....
My posture is awful!
Mom used to say "Stand up straight!" when I was a little girl...wish I had listened....
I have jowls...saggy sides of my once heart-shaped face....and wrinkles!! Oh, dear, I really thought I would not get them!
And, speaking of wrinkles, my arms are all ripply...if I hold them up like I'm being robbed, they look fine...can't do that, though!
Leg wrinkles are the worst....remember the story "The Camel With the Wrinkly Knees"?
That's me.....
Saggy, baggy, lumpy, bumpy...... I can cry, or I can laugh.
This morning I'm laughing.... might as well.
Today I'm kind of rough looking, but:
Today I'm kind of rough looking, but:
I was once a "Looker"....
(I really was!)
Oh, well............
Tuesday, November 10, 2015
Pushing Eighty
It seems they won't let me start another blogspot... So I'll just have to mix it in with my Musings spot and later separate my writings. I can do that!
Today came a Bluetooth Keyboard....Magic to me....so thankful that I don't have to buy a laptop. My tablet works just fine!
Hoping to take advantage of those early morning awakenings, when my mind is empty, clear, happy and ready to say what I feel... to recall things I don't want to forget... to apologize sometimes ....
I'm finding myself in that mode right now.
To my Mother-in-law: I couldn't have asked for a better one!
Over and over she would say that she always wanted daughters. That she didn't have them, so her sons brought her some....
My father-in-law concurred. He made over Peggy and me, taking our sides when he thought we needed him.
Peggy wanted a dog. She picked the ugliest, stinkiest mutt imaginable, and with "Granddad's" blessing , brought him home...
If sides were taken, it was always, ALWAYS with us!
So, why the apology?
After Grandad died, she came to live with us. She was, at that stage of her life, fragile...
Her heart was acting up. Her home was in an isolated spot in the wilds of West Virginia. Some "River Rats " broke into her home...no way could she stay there alone.
When she came to us, I was not at my best. I was confined to a "halo" to stabilize my neck...a benign bone tumor had been removed from a vertebra... I looked kinda like the Frankenstein Monster with the godawful thing screwed to my forehead... a body cast from shoulder to hips.....
Gotta tell about that sweet man we called "Granddad"...
They spent that Christmas with us...He asked what I would like as my gift... A BIRD FEEDER! All I wanted was a bird feeder, so I could sit at my kitchen table and watch them.
I got it, of course..... He built me one... He climbed a tall ladder up to the second story and installed it....
He said goodbye and drove his "frau" home to their little yellow house in the woods.
He brought in wood and laid a fire in their Franklin stove...
And then.....he had a Stroke!
We went to the hospital in Winchester. He looked up at me and held on to the bar that connected my halo to my torso.... I saw love...I saw awareness, compassion....I felt the same for him.......I loved my father-in-law....
New Year's Eve. ...
Sitting at our kitchen table with our friends, as always...10 o'clock, the phone rings...
Our dear "Grandad" has died......
We are glad we are with our friends. We need them....
Not long after, we bring "Arbo" to live with us....She can't stay there with those River Rats looking to steal from her. And she is having health issues.... not the best situation, but we do our best. And, thanks to Brooksie, we make it work!
Arbo has a bedroom right off the family room...a full bath right next to it...When we built our house I insisted the large room the size of a two car garage would have a small bedroom and a full bath, and I was right to insist. It has had constant use.
She had a place of her own near our family activities....no stairs to climb, her grandchildren around her. It was, for her, ideal.
Somehow, with my family's help, in spite of my temporary disability, we made it work. She was pleasant and grateful and loving.....and, at times, demanding.
Her furniture had to come with her. The slipcover on the couch that she added to my already furnished living room was pretty, but it clashed with my decor. I pulled it off and underneath found a pretty white brocade sofa, but she was afraid it would get soiled. So it went back on....
My privacy was slipping away...and my freedom! My friends (bless them) would come to see me EVERY DAY... My screws that held my halo in place had to be cleaned, and Pattie and Jane saw to it that instructions were followed......We often would go to lunch (I couldn't drive)....and Arbo was always welcome.
But I was sometimes grouchy. Tired of my limitations...wanted to fly, but my wings were clipped... wanted to talk with my friends, go to lunch with my friends, and not always, always with my mother-in -law!
And wishing the awful GUILT that I felt because I felt this way would leave me.....But it didn't.....and that lady who birthed my wonderful mate lived with us for six years.
How did she feel?
I know how I felt when three times in a week she had doctor appointments....when we couldn't leave on time for the beach because she had a "spell"....
I also know how I felt when she touched my cheek and thanked me for seeing she got her meds at 2 AM...She said she loved me. I loved her...and I told her so....
Today, I am "Arbo"....I live with my granddaughter... And I am well-aware of the good and the not-so-good that WILL be part of this situation.
Bringing up the subject at the onset, I knew she didn't understand. She was a baby when Arbo lived with us.
She never saw me greet her grandfather at the door with the steely look of assertiveness, clenched teeth and say "WE are going out to dinner tonight....arent' WE?"
She never saw me sneak away to the tree swing with a can of beer and stay there till I calmed down....or go to Walmart and buy things we didn't need...just to get away.
And she needs to know how horrible I felt when we put her great grandmother in the nursing home because Charlie had an assignment in Hawaii and we had no alternative....
It did not go well....she was angry....she was scared, abandoned.
She died two weeks later.
Very few things scare me, but this does....I don't want to reach the stage in my life where I'm totally dependent on anyone...and I don't want Jenny and Billy to go from the busy, exciting, hectic time of raising their little family to the responsibility of caring for me.
Since I remember, I want them to know that they must choose what is best for their family. My life has been wonderful; still is wonderful....Whatever they decide is OK with me.
I live here...I love it here...I don't want to spoil it!
Today came a Bluetooth Keyboard....Magic to me....so thankful that I don't have to buy a laptop. My tablet works just fine!
Hoping to take advantage of those early morning awakenings, when my mind is empty, clear, happy and ready to say what I feel... to recall things I don't want to forget... to apologize sometimes ....
I'm finding myself in that mode right now.
To my Mother-in-law: I couldn't have asked for a better one!
Over and over she would say that she always wanted daughters. That she didn't have them, so her sons brought her some....
My father-in-law concurred. He made over Peggy and me, taking our sides when he thought we needed him.
Peggy wanted a dog. She picked the ugliest, stinkiest mutt imaginable, and with "Granddad's" blessing , brought him home...
If sides were taken, it was always, ALWAYS with us!
So, why the apology?
After Grandad died, she came to live with us. She was, at that stage of her life, fragile...
Her heart was acting up. Her home was in an isolated spot in the wilds of West Virginia. Some "River Rats " broke into her home...no way could she stay there alone.
When she came to us, I was not at my best. I was confined to a "halo" to stabilize my neck...a benign bone tumor had been removed from a vertebra... I looked kinda like the Frankenstein Monster with the godawful thing screwed to my forehead... a body cast from shoulder to hips.....
Gotta tell about that sweet man we called "Granddad"...
They spent that Christmas with us...He asked what I would like as my gift... A BIRD FEEDER! All I wanted was a bird feeder, so I could sit at my kitchen table and watch them.
I got it, of course..... He built me one... He climbed a tall ladder up to the second story and installed it....
He said goodbye and drove his "frau" home to their little yellow house in the woods.
He brought in wood and laid a fire in their Franklin stove...
And then.....he had a Stroke!
We went to the hospital in Winchester. He looked up at me and held on to the bar that connected my halo to my torso.... I saw love...I saw awareness, compassion....I felt the same for him.......I loved my father-in-law....
New Year's Eve. ...
Sitting at our kitchen table with our friends, as always...10 o'clock, the phone rings...
Our dear "Grandad" has died......
We are glad we are with our friends. We need them....
Not long after, we bring "Arbo" to live with us....She can't stay there with those River Rats looking to steal from her. And she is having health issues.... not the best situation, but we do our best. And, thanks to Brooksie, we make it work!
Arbo has a bedroom right off the family room...a full bath right next to it...When we built our house I insisted the large room the size of a two car garage would have a small bedroom and a full bath, and I was right to insist. It has had constant use.
She had a place of her own near our family activities....no stairs to climb, her grandchildren around her. It was, for her, ideal.
Somehow, with my family's help, in spite of my temporary disability, we made it work. She was pleasant and grateful and loving.....and, at times, demanding.
Her furniture had to come with her. The slipcover on the couch that she added to my already furnished living room was pretty, but it clashed with my decor. I pulled it off and underneath found a pretty white brocade sofa, but she was afraid it would get soiled. So it went back on....
My privacy was slipping away...and my freedom! My friends (bless them) would come to see me EVERY DAY... My screws that held my halo in place had to be cleaned, and Pattie and Jane saw to it that instructions were followed......We often would go to lunch (I couldn't drive)....and Arbo was always welcome.
But I was sometimes grouchy. Tired of my limitations...wanted to fly, but my wings were clipped... wanted to talk with my friends, go to lunch with my friends, and not always, always with my mother-in -law!
And wishing the awful GUILT that I felt because I felt this way would leave me.....But it didn't.....and that lady who birthed my wonderful mate lived with us for six years.
How did she feel?
I know how I felt when three times in a week she had doctor appointments....when we couldn't leave on time for the beach because she had a "spell"....
I also know how I felt when she touched my cheek and thanked me for seeing she got her meds at 2 AM...She said she loved me. I loved her...and I told her so....
Today, I am "Arbo"....I live with my granddaughter... And I am well-aware of the good and the not-so-good that WILL be part of this situation.
Bringing up the subject at the onset, I knew she didn't understand. She was a baby when Arbo lived with us.
She never saw me greet her grandfather at the door with the steely look of assertiveness, clenched teeth and say "WE are going out to dinner tonight....arent' WE?"
She never saw me sneak away to the tree swing with a can of beer and stay there till I calmed down....or go to Walmart and buy things we didn't need...just to get away.
And she needs to know how horrible I felt when we put her great grandmother in the nursing home because Charlie had an assignment in Hawaii and we had no alternative....
It did not go well....she was angry....she was scared, abandoned.
She died two weeks later.
Very few things scare me, but this does....I don't want to reach the stage in my life where I'm totally dependent on anyone...and I don't want Jenny and Billy to go from the busy, exciting, hectic time of raising their little family to the responsibility of caring for me.
Since I remember, I want them to know that they must choose what is best for their family. My life has been wonderful; still is wonderful....Whatever they decide is OK with me.
I live here...I love it here...I don't want to spoil it!
Saturday, November 7, 2015
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