The way it is.

God?
Yes...
You there?
Always.
God, I've been meaning to ask: What were you thinking?
What do you mean "What was I thinking?"
What were you thinking when you changed us elderly people's sleeping patterns around?
We're miserable!
Miserable? How?
We wake up at (excuse the expression) "Godawful times"!
And?
Well, we're MISERABLE!
I heard you the first time you whined.....Is this your biggest problem?
As a matter of fact, it is! We sleep for two, three, four, if we're lucky, and then, BOOM!!
Two, three, four WHAT?
HOURS! We just can't sleep any longer like we used to... We wake up and there's nothing to do.... We wait to see if we'll fall back to sleep, but nothing happens...we are awake and we are alone....
Oh, come now.....is that all?...You have Books...TV..... You can raid the refrigerator...heat up some milk....I don't care if you spike your milk, if that pleases you!
And you can nap in the daytime.
You don't understand...You're not listening to me!
Oh, but I am.....You're old......you can be happy or you can fight it...but you are never alone.
And I am with you....always.

If I win

The Powerball, of course!

This afternoon I bought 5 more Powerball tickets.
On the front of our friendly neighborhood 7-11 these numbers were posted:

                  999 22.

I know the 999 indicates the millions collected, but not sure about the 22.

But 22 is my number. Born on the 22nd.....my Email is Nonny 22....22 is spoken "tutu"....and "tutu" is the Hawaiian name for grandmother....and I'm definitely a GRANDMOTHER!!

Jenny and Billy married October 22, 2011 (my birthday) .....They bought and closed on this house on October 22....Cowboy and Dee married years ago on October 22....And Chelsea (Jenny's sister) and Bo have chosen October 22, 2016 for their wedding day.
So, naturally, I gambled a little more than I would have, but for those numbers!

Based on this scientific suggestion on the front of 7-11, I believe I have as good a chance as anyone of winning some cash....a whole LOT of cash!!!

Haven't gone so far as to check my tickets. That can wait till I've decided how to spend it.... Mustn't put the cart before the horse.

Ask anyone how they will spend their winnings. They all have lists, but foremost in their minds is GIVING..to family, to the homeless, to everyone who needs it.....Kinda nice, don't ya think?

So, what would/will I do?

Travel? I don't want to go anywhere, especially anywhere out of the country.....I might go to California to see my brother and sister-in-law and their family....my son and family in Seattle....in a fancy, paid for, MOTOR HOME.... Yeah...that would be nice!!

New House? But this one is perfect....could fluff it up some....new tin roof, finish the basement, put in Billy's inground POOL ....in the FRONT YARD!!!
We would NEVER move from this incredibly perfect spot on the river!!
But what am I talking about? It's not mine anymore!

BUT: Don't touch our deck, my side "widow's walk", my bay window...Billy built those...DON'T touch them!!!
Don't change my tiny, cozy room...I LIKE it cozy....My flowery bathroom is beautiful, I think....

What would I do for amusement? I don't like TV...and mine is too big, already...
I'd sooner go to Chucky Cheese than Disney anything....Our little kids running all over the place on weekends is all the excitement an old lady needs.

I would like someone to vacuum for me...I don't much care for that chore....maybe would buy that Ford Transit Connect I've had my eye on....a RED one....maybe hire someone to drive me to Walmart (the all night one) when I can't sleep...my eyes, you know!

There's more to consider, but that's enough for now.  Pretty soon the sun will come up....always does. ... Then I can check my numbers. We can proceed from there.

But don't even THINK I'll give up Goodwill.... I have friends there!

Don't push; Persist!

Up at 5 AM....rested...feeling patient, no rush to do anything.
On the side of my bathroom sink sit the vintage sterling candlesticks I found at Goodwill the other day... A new can of Wright's Silver Cream beside them.
I remember polishing my wedding gifts years ago....twisting, rubbing, and hurrying to get the chore done.... twisting and wrinkling and denting them!

Today I'm in no hurry. I stand there rubbing them carefully this time....rubbing softly over and over....amazed at the ease of polishing them without using my usual "elbow grease".
Wondering who in the past told me it was necessary....for sterling silver!

People I cherish are much like sterling....they really are....I have made that connection this morning.

There's no need to push and twist....ever!

This is not a restaurant!

I am amused at the lengths some parents will go to make their children eat.
They won't.... They will drive you nuts if you let them....They will make everyone miserable at the table, if you let them..

Fixing

I'm a "Fixer".
I've been told that more than once..... Chances are, if you're a woman, you've been told that, too....
And it's not a bad thing, a gratuitous compliment, it really does ring true with a whole lot of us older women!
On a good day, we go at it with a "Bring it on" fervor....we switch into automatic, and with seemingly little effort, we git 'er done! We don't even notice...and neither does anyone else.
And it is assumed on an unconscious level that we will do it.
Nobody notices....until we don't!

This has been quite a week.
EVERY week is quite a week, for me!
I'm 79....pushing EIGHTY!
I don't know how that happened, but it happened so fast that I still can't believe it!

And yesterday, I didn't fix something.

I decided it wasn't in my job description, for once...... I gave the job to someone two full generations younger than I. And I haven't even checked to see if it is being carried out the way it should be.
But I do know that it's morning now....my phone isn't ringing. My stomach isn't in knots.
I'm seeing that the world will go on without me, and it's a good feeling!

I will have to choose whether to let that little nagger whisper in my ear that I should have fixed it myself and not put it on that inexperienced being.....but I won't.
I'll resist the urge to bore the onlookers with a list of excuses why I couldn't be there in my expected role of FIXER.....

I'm tired.....let somebody else do it, and, the outcome, whatever it is, will be good enough.....

Uncertainty

I wonder if, when I complete this blog, I will push "publish"...I may or may not, but I am needing to write about it tonight, and so I am....
As in all families, we are given good times and some pretty dreadful times, and we understand that.  To say "That's life" is an oversimplification, but it's true.

At this time, our family seems to be on overload for the bad times....That is why I am writing about it. And that is why it may be erased and not published.
Tomorrow morning, John goes to court. He is scared. His mom is scared....I try to call on my faith that right will prevail. I am trying...but I, too, am scared......John may go to jail.

He has had an altercation with his father....months ago it took place. ...And now, it seems to me, his father wants his pound of flesh. Today it will be decided.  It makes me sick.
I was so mad at Larry yesterday that I posted an angry message on his Facebook page....but I deleted it.

YEARS ago, I wrote a letter of concern to Larry... I said that I observed behaviors in John that could cause problems in his life.... I begged him to unite with Mary Beth and address them. .....The letter was never acknowledged.....I knew nothing about Asperger's at that time. Few did.....but I was right..... And I was ignored.....Not only that, but when medical help was sought, and medications were prescribed, they were denied him by the part of the family that believed it only a discipline problem...

So John never was able to communicate with his father...no bond was established...and today is the day of reckoning when we will see John stand before the judge, his dad as his adversary.


Another sad, desperate situation.:
Grandchildren have allegedly been molested by the husband of their principal caregiver.
The caregiver is defending the molester.....he lives next door, and although forbidden contact with the children, the courts are allowing this living situation.

All contact between the children and the outside world has ceased. And those who love them are frantic and heartbroken.

There is no logical explanation for this decision....but there it is.

So this is a sad time, a frightening time for my family.  All I can cling to is my faith that, in the end, right will prevail.

Please, dear God, dear Jesus, place Yourself in the midst of these horrible situations.!
Calm our hearts, our fears, and let our FAITH get us through this!

Uncle Peter

SOMEBODY has to remember Uncle Peter.

Uncle Peter mattered a lot to Charlie and Butts.

So, I'm going to remember him from my first hand experience.

There were five brothers in the "Yarber" family (California pronunciation)

There was Henry, Burr, Bill the Butcher, Peter, and John (my father-in-law)

Some were farmers, some were ranchers, one was a butcher, one was a cowboy, and one farmed rice.

Uncle Peter was the rice farmer.

He lived his life in a tiny house in California, and off and on, he would visit his brother John and family wherever they happened to be.

Charlie remembers Uncle Peter's bed making skills: He would exit from the head of the bed, pulling the covers with him, and when his feet hit the floor,the bed was made. He always did that....he was a considerate house guest!

But back to my visit with Uncle Peter.

Charlie and I were headed to Hawaii for his first duty station.  Uncle Peter lived in California, so, naturally, we paid him a visit before we sailed.

We surprised him when we pulled up to his front yard. He was sitting on a chair on his front porch, his profile visible through the screen. A strong profile, definitely a Yarbrough.

But out he came, big grin, big burly hand reached out for a handshake.  He was glad to see us. 

I looked around at our surroundings....a tiny house. A front yard with vegetables: squash, pole beans, cucumbers...... cantaloupe! (You can't eat GRASS, was Uncle Peter's comment!)

A gate with a bell on it to keep the critters out.... I loved it!

Inside, we first passed through Uncle Peter's porch. His chair piled high with cushions, added one by one as it sagged so that he could see  out his screened window. Practical...innovative...no pretense at all. That was Uncle Peter...

He sat there day and night, and I could see why. It was his way of relating to his neighbors, talking from his perch on his porch, keeping an eye on who passed by on that barely graveled road.

He didn't act particularly surprised when we pulled up. But he was definitely happy we did.

We walked directly into his kitchen. A tiny sink in front of a tiny window. A drainer with one dish and one fork and one glass in it.... 

A BED in the middle of the floor!!

That was where he slept, and it was made up exactly as Charlie had described it!

A long string attached to the bedframe led to a single light bulb hanging from the ceiling.

Uncle Peter had things totally figured out. His needs were perfectly met in that cozy little house!

Well, of course we would stay the night....In the guest bedroom was a small chest of drawers, and in the bottom drawer there were sheets for me to make up the bed....

I opened it. There were the whitest, sweetest sheets I had ever seen....and they were ironed! And they were STARCHED! Yes, I do believe they were starched...

At that time I experienced "class" in the truest sense of the word....

When I finished, I went back to the kitchen where he and Charlie were having coffee....good, strong coffee. Uncle Peter was standing by the wall phone. He turned the crank (really!!) and in his booming voice said "Operator!! This is V.O. Yarbrough. Ring me the market."

We climbed into his truck, I in the passenger seat between these two huge men.....V.O Yarbrough drove us less than a mile for supplies for dinner....his nose 5 inches from the windshield, determined to get us there safely.

STEAKS!! I don't remember what else he purchased, because most of the accompaniments were there for the picking in  his front yard.... Oh, I remember: Cake...dessert was a must!

We dined like kings...I was pregnant and hungry, and loving every minute.

Time for the men to go back out on the porch...... I would do the dishes. They needed time alone, and so did I....Filled the sink with hot water and soap. Picked up the dish rag.....

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! Ohhh!!! HOW was I going to wash the dishes with THIS?

It was grey. I could deal with that....but the texture....Ohhhhh!!!

Dear Uncle Peter....I gritted my teeth and used it. And I'm still alive today.

They were discussing politics. I excused myself and climbed into that sweet bed. Crisp, cool sheets...sheer bliss.

They discussed....and discussed...and discussed....There was no arguing...(well, maybe just a little) but it went on and on.... And the guest room was situated less than ten feet from my men....and I was pregnant, I told you!!!

Don't know when I finally drifted off...don't know if Charlie made it to join me, but I awoke to those two outside my window touring the garden, and then in the back yard inspecting the goat he had tied up to  mow what little vegetation was back there....

I was well rested, and happy to find myself in this fascinating, magical place!

Breakfast...some wonderful, thick slab bacon! I

Uncle Peter lit the stove and handed me the skillet. OhhhKAY!!! I like bacon....I did like bacon.... I'm pregnant, I told you! Thankful the bathroom was one step outside the kitchen stove....Poor Uncle Peter (a bachelor)....wonder what he thought!

This was in 1958...I've remembered that visit all these years. I'm so glad we stopped there....

We did see Peter years later when we had our family. He slept in our guest room....and he made his bed exactly as he always did.

We had a stillborn, who would have been our fifth child ...we named him Thomas Vann. It was sad he did not live, but somebody had to be named after him....and he said he was pleased ...and honored...And that was our intention.